In each town we had an arena, to pick up some quick cash and XP.

Once we were content to merely watch a few contests. The loudmouth of the party started to call out the local ruler, sitting in his private box. pretty soon....

"Guards! Seize him" [BTW I love that line]

Loudmouth tries to run but is caught by some burly guards. They frogmarch him up to the top deck of the arena and toss him over to the ground below.

We make a hurried exit to find our comrade.

Oh, no, there is a cesspit!

Oh no, he has fallen in!

Oh, no, he has sunk to the bottom!

"We dig him out!!"

DM: "With what?"

-checking inventory- No shovels? Oh noes!!

We run into town and have a humorous interval buying shovels.

We run back outside and start digging. The DM made us roll to uncover Loudmouth.

"You rolled a 2? You have found him but he's injured by your shovel. You cut his ear off."

"You rolled a 3? You cut his nose off"

-Sound of Loudmouth, weeping with head on table-

Ok, so we pulled him clear of the stinking muck and drag him into town to find a healer.

City Gate Guard: "You are not bringing a muck-covered, bleeding man into THIS town!!"

After some fast talking we smuggle him into the town.

"We clean him up."

DM: "How?"

Hotel: "You are not bringing a muck-covered, bleeding man into THIS hotel!!"

Healer:"You are not bringing a muck-covered, bleeding man into THIS office!"

Us: We throw him into the town fountain.

It gets a bit blurry after that. Considering the events described took place in 1980, I am not surprised.

Warning: Not PC

I rolled up a boot hill character. Under "weight" I got 300 pounds!

Thus was born.... Hong Kong Charlie the Won Ton Kid, the world's only Sumo cowboy!!!

Another time I was breaking in a new group of players. A REALLY hot girl wanted to play with us.

DM [Me] "Ok, roll for sex. 1-2 female, 4-6 male."

-rolls- 5.

DM: Ok, male. Write that down here..."

She: "But I want to be female!!!"

DM: "The 5 says no." [These days I would say "Sure! Female it is!"]

She: "..."

DM: "You...are...male..."

She:" Oh---kay. He's gay! His name is Brucey!!"

DM: "!!!"

For the rest of the campaign she stayed in character as a gay male fighter, hitting on high CHA males. I salute her where ever she is.

Way back when i played D&D two or three nights a week, we had a couple of players mostly there for hack and slash, and did not pay too much attention to the room description.

GM: there is a door on the far side of the room, the door is ajar.

Player: Ok, I go check out the jar.

GM: What jar?

Player: You said there was a jar!

So the line when someone was being clueless.. "The door is a jar."

Current D&D Eberron campaign has been going fairly well for the last few months (I'm DMing). After a rather lengthy and unpleasent string of events for the PCs, including a nasty fight with an elder Redcap, the party (then consisting of a rogue and a sorcerer) were not in a very patient or friendly mood, when them met up with Thakrop.

Thakrop was the leader of a small gang of Ogres. An accomplished warrior in his own right, he also fancied himself as being fairly bright. By trial and error, he had discovered the interesting magical properties of one of his former victim's equipment...a bag of holding.

So he and his two Ogre buddies take up position in a narrow valley, ready to ambush the PCs.

-------------------------------------

Rock hurled at cliff face beside PCs. Big, gruff voice:

"You stop! Thakrop demand tribute! You give Thakrop tribute, or me smash your head!"

PCs see the three Ogres emerge from behind their boulders, and decide it might be wise to play it cool...at least for now. They agree to listen to his terms.

"You fill up bag with tribute, or me smash your head! No! Not YOU bag! ME bag!"

Bag of holding tossed out to them. They start pouring in excess copper pieces, and then discover something isn't quite right.....it should be full by now...

"Yes, me smart! Me have special bag. You fill up ME bag or me SMASH YOUR HEAD!"

A brief, whispered conference later...

Rogue drinks potion of invisibility. Sorcerer casts invisibility. They both back off up the passageway, with their newly acquired magic item.

"Hey, where you go?"

"Come back here! Give back bag!"

"Um....bag? Me no want tribute any more...just give back bag."

"Bag?"

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGG!"