Heh, not the first time here for that one.

Sadly, I prefer the Elbow version of the song to the original....

And since I feel like a repeat myself - Sad, sweet, and a little disturbing.

The Auld Grump

I have wondered that question. Why are there so many "cat" advertisements or whatever?

LOL. I just saw the singing cats at the Gun.

But then there is always

CCotD'

PS If you like Led Zepplin, you will really love it.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

CCotD'

Something that I plan to use in a game:




It was a hoax, but, damn, I can use that!

The Auld Grump

Sometimes you just know your dice rolling is cursed!!

No worries... spouses have a way of eating into our hobby time

I don't even remember if we took many photos last time. I was out of it that day. Although, since I played well... maybe I should be out of it more often... heh.

I'm still chuckling over the dice rolling animation... those poor dots.

Arabin

You can identify a "Real Web Designer" by the .

That just has to be fake, though. Right?

I mean, no one could... Or could they?

- for the last time.

For those of you who missed Pearl as , check that out first.

Admit it, haven't you always wanted an

Octopus Teapot?

The Auld Grump, I know that I do!

Subject: ATM Procedures


MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2.Put down your car window.

3.Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4.Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6.Put window up.

7.Drive off.

******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1.Drive up to cash machine.

2.Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.

3.Set parking brake, put the window down.

4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5.Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6.Attempt to insert card into machine.

7.Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.

8.Insert card.

9.Re-insert card the right way.

10.Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
back page.

11.Enter PIN.

12.Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13.Enter amount of cash required.

14.Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15.Retrieve cash and receipt.

16.Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17.Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.

18.Re-check makeup.

19.Drive forward 2 feet.

20.Reverse back to cash machine.

21.Retrieve card.

22.Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided!

23.Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24.Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25.Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27.Release Parking Brake.

Heh, the oldies are always the best. Made me chuckle... I just hope my wife doesn't ask what I'm chuckling at

Arabin

You gotta luv da Irish!!!

**************************************

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

**************************************

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

**************************************

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

**************************************

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

**************************************

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

**************************************

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

**************************************

Hmmm, while I have encountered the Female ATM User From Hell the absolute worst was the Drunk Male ATM User From Jersey - who spent fifteen minutes trying to use the darned thing, started having an argument with the machine, and was eventually hauled away by the cops (one of the few times I was ever glad that a driver had a cell phone in his car - the drunk should not have been behind the wheel of a car, a blessing on whoever reported him).

The Auld Grump

Ahaha! Shinobi, that's awesome!

LOL

Apologies for some of the spelling and grammar, it was done by a local.

The Auld Grump

Those were both very amusing TheAuldGrump, disturbing but amusing, much like Lenore. Thanx for the chuckle .

Amphigorically,
The Auld Grump